fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
