I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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