I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
