my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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