one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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