We're like a lot better than the average bears
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
