the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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