Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
