Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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