I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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