I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She announced her abortion via fbk
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
