it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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