Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We need to rekindle our bromance
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
