WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
