That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
