do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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