first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
