my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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