I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
