My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
