I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
