I think scott just propositioned me for sex
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
