By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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