yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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