They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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