I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
