I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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