just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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