Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
