im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
