So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
