ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i was born a porn star she said
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
