I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
