I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you made out with another girl for some wings
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
