The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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