There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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