i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
