y did u give ur computer a hand job?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
