saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Randomize
