I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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