I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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