i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
