it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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