My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
