In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
