am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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