I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
