I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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