it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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