did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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