I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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