that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
