my vag is so smooth its legendary
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
