I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
