He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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