Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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