don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
a search helicopter?!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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