I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
