Michael Bay diarrhea
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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