Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
