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When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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