you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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